If you have been following along with my Wednesday video check-ins, then you have probably heard me talk about my absolute obsession with journaling this year. I have journals of every shape, size, and color in a huge stack next to my bed and they all have a different purpose. You may be asking what in the world this has to do with my photography business, and the short answer is- EVERYTHING!
Although I photographed my first subjects at the age of 16, it took me until 11 years ago to finally convince myself I was ‘good enough’ to start accepting money for my work. And then it wasn’t until this summer that I gathered up enough courage to make Studio Bliss my full-time job. Those are some really big gaps of time, my friends. May I have this moment of vulnerability, because this next realization, which clicked in about three years ago, really just sucked the wind right out of me…I was the roadblock to my success all along. It was my overthinking that sent me to anxiety, which triggered inaction. It was my lack of confidence that had me hiding behind a name I gave my business that wasn’t mine. I had to get out of my own way, be the face of my business, and most importantly, SHOW UP for myself! Cue the journals!
In a recent conversation with my therapist, we identified that education is one of my main pillars in life. I love to educate myself with a growth mindset. I love to impart knowledge by educating others. I feel safe when there is a plan and I am knowledgeable about the course of action to take. And this is why the back of my bedroom door has sticky notes and papers outlining my personal goals to success broken down into actionable steps. It was an assignment in a class I took last year. That assignment changed everything for me. I hadn’t been asked to dream about my future since grade school. When did I stop thinking I deserved more? When had I forgotten that I could be anything and do anything? When had I stopped thinking that what I wanted mattered too?
I bought the first journal, mostly because I had problems with overanalyzing, looping thoughts, and terrorizing myself when I was presented with change, difficult circumstances, and negativity for everything I wasn’t. I got up early before everyone else in the house and just free-wrote about anything that came to mind. It brought me peace and most importantly, clarity to move on through the day. It allowed me to let go, and that was a gift that came as a bit of a surprise. Could it really be that easy? I couldn’t stop talking about how much it was changing my day-to-day. My daughter bought me one, my mom picked me up Oprah’s journal about setting goals for the life you want, a co-worker gave me her journal from The Artist’s Way, and so it went. Now, I have one for daily body image and mindset prompts, one for the classes I take, another for inspirations I get, and yet another that I create exclusively with my daughter in an effort to get curious and boost self-esteem. But my latest journal might be my favorite of all.
It’s just a dark blue Mead composition notebook. It doesn’t have pretty watercolor butterflies on the front, or my college mascot, and it isn’t wrapped in a fancy linen fabric, but tonight, I held that notebook to my chest and nearly cried when I finished writing in it. If you were to open the cover, you would see “GOALS” written at the top with a few reminders in the right-hand corner of the first page.
1) Make them extravagant.
2) Align them with your purpose.
3) Write it like you already have it.
Everyday, I envision what my life will be. I literally close my eyes and picture exactly where I want to be, who I want to be with, what I want for myself, and then I write. They are BIG, big dreams, and because I take time to connect with each of them, I KNOW I can do it. I’m visualizing all of it like it’s already mine. Remember those lists on the back of my door? Most of them are halfway complete less than a year after I dreamed them. Things that felt scary, aren’t anymore. My life is aligned, and I am so very full of joy because I am out there casting that net everyday, and it shows. What’s the comment I keep hearing over and over again from people I know since walking into photography full-time? “You look different somehow. You just look SO happy.” It’s alignment, my friends. It’s learning to let go of the small things. It’s fancy pens and paper, and it has changed my life!