It has always baffled me. Where do all of my tween-aged clients go? Is it because sports and activities pick-up and families are just trying to breathe through the crazy schedules we keep? Is it because your teenagers start bargaining with their life not to show up in pictures, like EVER. Ever. Again! Or does it run deeper?
I mean let’s get real…when was the last time you pulled out your middle school picture to proudly present to the group? And why is that? Is the answer that everyone in middle school was awkward in their Lifetouch school pics? (Let me get you in on the secret…no one, unless you are a paid model for a living, is ever photogenic ever. That’s my job to help you feel comfortable and confident when you get to the studio.)
I see it time and time again. Families who religiously sign-up for yearly sessions start to drop off when the kids hit about 8 years old. I usually don’t hear from them again until someone is about to be a senior in high school. I get it! Kids three and four in our house have a baby book, but it is still in the original packaging. We hit survival mode too at some point.
But humor me and let me tell you a quick story for a moment. I was in my basement recently going through two tubs that encapsulated the entire first half of my existence. I found handwritten letters in sparkly gel ink pens, folded carefully origami-style for privacy. I found artwork people had sent by snail mail with encouraging written affirmations all around it. And I found wallets we used to swap to hang around our dresser mirrors in our bedrooms. It’s clear to me that during my teenage years, I was clinging desperately to my friendships and the community I had built for myself, that we wanted to cheer each other on, and that we wanted to be seen despite our awkwardness. Thanks to the internet and texting, SO much has changed for today’s youth (gawd, I am old!), but there are still so many things that are universally true for today’s teens.
What I know after twenty years of hanging out with tween-aged kids in the Art Room.
1) They may seem to be pulling away and hiding when and wherever they can, and they may not show it, but they just desperately want someone to invest in them. They still have the human need to be seen, heard, and understood- maybe now more than ever. They seem to be pulling away and looking for independence, but they still need us, our attention, and our love. They want to be acknowledged not just for what they look like, but for the things in their lives that they have poured their heart and soul into.
2) It is hard as heck to be authentic. They are just now figuring out that they are their own person. The years 0-7 were critical in building neural pathways by subconsciously soaking up everything around us. It forms all that we are- the stories we tell ourselves, the habits we pick up, the way we respond and react- it’s all wrapped up in the environment we grow up in. Being authentic means sometimes stepping out on your own and even cavemen knew that was dangerous, so most end up conforming. When you fight off authenticity, that’s when things slow down and get tough at any age! Confidence, true confidence is freaking hard!
3) It only takes one person to invest in them, one person to see the good and beauty they put out into the world, and one person to help inspire them. Soooo, this led me to some more thoughts a bit over a decade ago…
Why don’t we have beautiful images of teenagers? I KNOW I can take them, because every teen who has ever stepped into my studio says something to the effect of, “It’s the first time I have REALLY felt good about myself, mom!” Why are we leaving it up to the school photos- ones that turn my daughter into an orange oompa loompa with glowing lips? And during a time when they desperately need to feel good about themselves, need to have a place on the wall in a frame so that they know they belong? We can give that to them, and it is powerful! Why? Because I truly believe that when someone invests in your looking great and feeling great, you go out and do incredible things in this world.
Bring them back in. Invest in their confidence, because confidence will take you far in this world. Invest in a beautiful form of self-care for them. Invest in helping them to build a community that supports and cheers them on. Couldn’t we all use a bit more of that these days!